Stop! Back in the Fire!

My Forge Week

2009-02-07T20:13:00.000-08:00

This is the journal entry from my Forge week. All of us are given one week within the time we'll be at the Forge where we will step in and lead as interim Forge director. The spirit behind this is to teach us that as leaders we need to be constantly training people to take our position. A company should not be crippled by the loss of a leader...ever.

Going into this week I had a bit of anxiety but not much. It was more or less just exhausting. However with a few hiccups it seemed to roll by pretty smoothly. Leading the fam this week was both fun and humbling. I didn’t nearly get as stressed as I thought I would. The Lord was definitely my source of calmness and steadiness. And still is but when you’re in the heat of the moment and don’t lose it you know it’s the Spirit. I felt like I was in my element leading. But given that I would have done this in the beginning of the program I know I would have been immature going about my responsibilities to serve. Making myself a student of my peers was one of the main factors in helping me approach this week. The verse, “If anyone wants to be the first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all” rang in my head all week. If I was going to lead these people in the way of the Truth I needed to become their servant. Which leads me to a major point that I learned this week. Leading doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re always out in front or the provider of resources. Leading also requires being able to get behind some of the ideas of your followers. Support them! Guide them to green pastures but encourage and support the team along the way. After all it’s not about me. It’s never been about the captain. It could have been easy to make this week about me. But what purpose does that serve. The shepherd only exists because there’s a flock.

A few weeks prior to this week I prayed that the Lord would open my eyes to what He desired for this family. What did this family need? What needed to happen to bring this group both closer together and closer to Him? The Lord provided just as he promised. The verse from Matthew 6:33 true, “But seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.” The Lord delivered Amy Waters and Jeff Olchesky. Amy put on a fabulous night for the ladies, and Jeff provided great man time for us on the skeet shooting range. The girls were beaming when they came home. Oh by the way, did I say that both Jeff and Amy sponsored the events as well. The Lord totally provided. My plans were to watch Ushpizin and have movie night. But God had something better in store. I just needed to be obedient and wait for him. “Seek and you shall find…” I sought and He provided. Although I don’t know the direct comments on the week I know what God provided for me to arrange really helped this family. And honestly looking out from here I don’t know why it took the Forge week for me to really serve my peers, my fam. To push myself using the strength and resources the Lord provides to serve them. 2%!

Matt’s is withholding all the debriefing comments. He said he’s testing me to make sure I am who I say I am. Frankly I understand and I’m down with it. It’s better that I truly understand what it means to shepherd.

Tomorrow hopefully we'll get completely caught up.

to journal

2009-02-07T19:59:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share a little bit of what a journal entry looks like. What I'm about to share is an unedited journal entry from two weeks ago. It took me a little while to make this decision to share this, but I want to be somewhat transparent to what I'm going through here. (journals are a mandatory discipline that we have to turn in to Matt, our "rabbi")

I’m struggling Lord.

It’s the end of the week…again, and I haven’t written anything down over the course of the week. I’ll be danged if this becomes another assignment. It just seems that the days fly by, ever filled up with endless “to-do’s”. And today, which by the way I’m so happy it happened, I realized that I’ve been riding the fence. The Spirit was heavy on me today. But I’m tired of trying to give the right answers. Of course this pressure comes from no one but myself. I got honest today with myself in book discussion. I admitted that I’m a skeptic. I don’t want to be this way, but I’ve got to acknowledge this “bone” in my body. I want it out! I want to live in the freedom of being sold out for Him.
I had a break down in Stephen’s car on the way to Jason’s after class. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t hold it. Which, it felt good to release what’s been bottled up for so long. Thank goodness Stephen and Haleigh were there to talk to. I can’t write anymore…I need to go pray…

I needed that. This week’s been somewhat tough. I dare say that Dallas Willard is heavier than ole Dietrich. But anyways after processing book discussion and thinking about what Marty charged us with last week, I feel the Lord pushing me to get off the fence! I’m all in! I’m not going evaluate anymore. It’s ridiculous. I’ve seen the Lord work in my life over and over. His grace pours over me. There’s absolutely no reason not to believe.

Next week is my Forge week. I’ll catch ya on the flip side.

Austin, TX

2009-02-06T11:14:00.000-08:00

The last few weeks have been non-stop action. Sleep comes at a premium and finding strength in the Spirit is a must. Right now we're on a mission trip in Austin. I'll finally be able to catch y'all up on the last few weeks since we have internet now. brb

2009-01-20T20:05:00.001-08:00

I'm back! We just started into our second semester. This is the first time I've been able to sit down and recollect over the past week. Upon arriving back in Tyler our director, Matt, told us to keep our bags pack. The next morning we left for a 4 day retreat in the wilderness!

I'll let ya more in on what I took away from the trip tomorrow. We have most of the day off. Woohoo!!

2008-11-29T17:34:00.001-08:00

I've added some pics of my visit to Hume Lake Christian Camp in Fresno, California. I went on the behalf of Matt, my director. He visits annually to teach the Joshua Institute students. I followed just to learn. The Joshua Institute is a program that the Forge was semi-modeled after. However there are about 40 more students and the mean age is 18. The camp is beautiful, and the people are phenomenal. The Joshua is perfect for those going into college as to where the Forge is more suited for those coming out of college. But either are interchangeable. I loved the place and want to go back!

Hume Photo Album

I am not _________.

2008-11-24T07:37:00.000-08:00

"A leader must know himself."

You have to ask yourself "Who am I?" and "What am I doing here?" Starting out in this program and looking back I thought I had a pretty good idea of what it meant to lead. Or at least I thought it to be a fairly basic concept, the only requirements being confidence and the ability to convince people. However I was sadly mistaken.

Within the first few weeks I could see that my identity was sitting on a foundation of sand. My director, Matt, who is inherently a mentor to all of us individually, nailed me the second week. In Matt and I's first office hour I didn't have much to say other than I just wanted to know, "How am I doing?" Meaning I wanted a benchmark for myself. Matt, who is gifted in discerning, could see straight through my question. And although I couldn't see it at the time, this was how I had created an identity for myself. By approval and comparison. Which in short means that the foundation of my identity was anything but solid. I saw this when all it took was a couple of questions to challenge me and my world was rocked.

And just to give an idea of what it means to not have a solid identity foundation, and before anyone rebukes by saying,"I know who I am," here's a real-life example. One of our teachers, who happens to be a licensed Texas counselor, told us this story.
A lady who had a child loved her son very much. He was her one and only. She would do almost everything within her power to provide for him. So as you can imagine she was very attached to the child. One day the child was in a car wreck and died. His mom, defining herself solely as a mother to this him, lost all meaning to life. Her world was devastated beyond normal grieving. Thankfully she received professional help before suicide became a reality.

Now that's an extreme case. But she isn't any less normal than rest of us. Especially in the culture we live in. I find myself investing more time in things that fade in no time rather than things that are eternal.

If I AM what I do (my career) or what I mean to someone else (son/friend/husband/father) what would happen to me if that title disappeared?

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

So who am I and what in heck am I doing here?

Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary

2008-11-16T11:30:00.000-08:00

Well the past two weeks have been nothing but interesting. I dare say that I've learned more about myself in these weeks than I have the entire time We've been here.

We've been traveling the past 7 days. We were in Dallas for 4 days and in Jefferson for 3. These are pictures from our visit to Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

3rd trip!!

2008-11-15T22:00:00.000-08:00

we've been in Dallas for the past 3 days. there's so much to talk about, but in a very, very small nutshell: we've visited 2 seminaries, served the homeless, and chilled with special needs adults. I will tell you more but right now it is late. Tomorrow perhaps...

looking back

2008-11-15T21:28:00.000-08:00

a journal entry from October the 12th:

Our group just got back from a weeklong trip to Atlanta. There’s a conference that takes place there annually called Catalyst. It’s a leadership conference for Christian people leading in various capacities like full time ministry, business, missions, medical fields, and such. The idea behind the conference is that we would act like catalysts and start moving forward in spreading the Gospel. The theme this year was “Together.” Collectively from the speakers I gathered that the overall message was that as The Body of Christ, together, we can make things happen. Networking was also a huge deal. We heard from all kinds of speakers like Andy Stanley, Matt Chandler, Dave Ramsey, Jim Collins (“Good To Great”-a must read), Tim Sanders, Seth Godon, and plenty others. The conference was both eye opening and affirming. I know that business is my mission field and leading people in the light of Christ is what I’m called to do. I wish you all could have heard the speakers.

I have to run but I’ll leave you with this, a Dave Ramsey quote, “There’s only one way to penetrate the marketplace with Christianity and that is with extreme levels of excellence.”

The moment I think I have arrived at knowing all there is to know I have failed. Never stop dreaming. Never stop learning.

2008-11-06T14:39:00.001-08:00

I want to apologize to all those whom I said that I was going to be keeping a blog and sending out a newsletter. It has been a tough ride thus far. However I'm going to do my best to catch y'all up in my next few posts as to what all has happen up until now.

I will say this though, the Forge has been everything except for what I had expected. For that I am grateful.

week nine

2008-11-05T17:25:00.000-08:00

there are those who say Lord I'll go. there are those who say Lord, I'm scared. there are those say Lord, I'm inadequate. and there are those who say Lord, I'll go but I'm scared, inadequate, and full of shame.
but my Lord replies, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Grace...

just when I think I have all the puzzle pieces put together to make a beautiful picture my Lord shatters it into a million pieces saying to me "there, now maybe you can to see me." After being broken over and over, beaten with my own selfish pride I begin to understand just how much I need His grace. What is pride? I used to think there was only one shade. Apparently it comes in many shades- tailored to perfection by the enemy to manifest itself quietly into my character. Standing broken without answers before Him I come to a more accurate definition of myself.

Paul writes, "Because it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith; not by anything of your own, but by a gift from God; not by anything that you have done, so that nobody can claim the credit."

Brennan Manning quotes in his book, The Ragamuffin Gospel,"' The difference between faith as "belief in something that may or may not exist" and faith as "trusting in God" is enormous." The first is a matter of the head, the second a matter of the heart. The first can leave us unchanged; the second intrinsically brings change.'"

i move forward persistently in search of humility.

2008-09-04T07:04:00.000-07:00

What an incredible experience I’ve had thus far at Mississippi State University! God has given me plenty of opportunities to grow and serve. Just last year I was serving on the Campus Crusade for Christ media team. This year I’ve been able to join a fraternity of Christian men, also know as, Brothers Under Christ. And all the while during the summers of my time in college the Lord has blessed me with the opportunity to serve at Pine Cove Christian Camps in Tyler, Texas.

After much prayer and guidance the Lord has led me to my current areas of study: Finance and Economics. With these two majors and additional training I hope to become a leader in the mission field of business. I have come to know that the business world can be quite cutthroat, and respectable leaders are few and far between. As history has proved to show time and time again that the decisions of business leaders not only affect the firm and employees but the overall well being of an employee’s family.

The CEO of Pine Cove, Mario Zandstra, stated recently that “the future of ministry will not be limited by money or opportunity, but by the lack of leadership.” The Lord has put it on my heart to become a leader in this often over looked mission field. I desire to be a light, and lead those around me in way that brings Him the most glory. However, I have come to realize that maturity in Christian leadership cannot be found in a couple of books or a semester class.

The Lord has faithfully led me to a program at Pine Cove that desires to be the vessel in which the Lord will use to build those leaders. This 8-month program is called, the Forge. This upcoming fall and spring I will be joining the Forge class of 2009, which only consists of 16 men and women. Since the Forge only accepts a small number of students, I feel very blessed in having this opportunity. The Forge will provide an intense, challenging environment yielding a variety of opportunities for me to grow. For a more complete picture of the Forge, I encourage you to visit Pine Cove’s website at www.pinecove.com/forge.

2008-08-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

"This not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."

or

Is it just the beginning?