to journal

I wanted to share a little bit of what a journal entry looks like. What I'm about to share is an unedited journal entry from two weeks ago. It took me a little while to make this decision to share this, but I want to be somewhat transparent to what I'm going through here. (journals are a mandatory discipline that we have to turn in to Matt, our "rabbi")



I’m struggling Lord.

It’s the end of the week…again, and I haven’t written anything down over the course of the week. I’ll be danged if this becomes another assignment. It just seems that the days fly by, ever filled up with endless “to-do’s”. And today, which by the way I’m so happy it happened, I realized that I’ve been riding the fence. The Spirit was heavy on me today. But I’m tired of trying to give the right answers. Of course this pressure comes from no one but myself. I got honest today with myself in book discussion. I admitted that I’m a skeptic. I don’t want to be this way, but I’ve got to acknowledge this “bone” in my body. I want it out! I want to live in the freedom of being sold out for Him.
I had a break down in Stephen’s car on the way to Jason’s after class. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t hold it. Which, it felt good to release what’s been bottled up for so long. Thank goodness Stephen and Haleigh were there to talk to. I can’t write anymore…I need to go pray…

I needed that. This week’s been somewhat tough. I dare say that Dallas Willard is heavier than ole Dietrich. But anyways after processing book discussion and thinking about what Marty charged us with last week, I feel the Lord pushing me to get off the fence! I’m all in! I’m not going evaluate anymore. It’s ridiculous. I’ve seen the Lord work in my life over and over. His grace pours over me. There’s absolutely no reason not to believe.

Next week is my Forge week. I’ll catch ya on the flip side.